Today I want to remember my rabbits, Lavender (white rabbit), and Anya, or Lav Lav and AnAn as I tended to call them. Mini lops with another breed in their heritage (AnAn was a one up, one down lop).

Both rabbits spent the majority of their lives with chronic illnesses, becoming ill in the first months of lockdown. They were diagnosed with Arthritis at only 2 years old and in the months after Lavender passed away from a tumour or abscess in his liver, Anya was diagnosed with stomach spasms, painful occurrences that were random; Lavender likely had it also.

It wasn’t the happiest life. While we did the best we could for them and they were often very joyful, their combined illnesses meant that we were very often at the vets for emergency visits all hours of the day and night. At our best we had a break of 6 months. At our worst we were going every 2 weeks. Lavender was very hard of hearing and relied on his sister for a lot, including moral support and cuddles. He more often than not dealt with bad stuff by becoming depressed. AnAn was much more protective, the vets would get one of us to take her out of the carrier – she’d bitten most of them by the end – and reacted to vet visits with trauma.

But there was great joy as well. They were funny, they were cute, they binkied and zoomied a lot. One of my favourite memories is when I was trying to coax Lavender to come out of the pen one day and suddenly from behind, his sister comes flying past, obviously bored of waiting. Another is of Anya as a baby, a few weeks old, hissing at me because she didn’t want me to pick her up to take her back to their hutch. She looked like a cute tiny dragon, not the menacing beast she wanted to appear to be. Lavender would tell me repeatedly when I left the meshed shed window open in summer. AnAn loved to listen to me read aloud – her favourite book was Sarah Marsh’s A Sign Of Her Own with all its phonetics and beautiful writing. She hated Pride And Prejudice, too much dialogue that made her human mother too animated. In her last week I brought Sarah Marsh’s book downstairs to read the first chapter yet again and as soon as I started she ran over for a cuddle.

They had three homes within ours – a hutch, a purpose-built shed, and finally, once diagnosed with Arthritis, our living room. The shed in particular was a good choice – there was a storm the first night they stayed in it and in that storm their double-bolted hutch fell over.

Lavender loved going back in his shed after a day in the run. Anya meanwhile played ‘yes I will, no I won’t’ for at least at hour every evening – I’d tap the litter tray and Lavender would jump straight in for easy transport back to his house, but Anya would jump in and jump out again, even if it was pouring with rain and even after I’d ignore her for 10 minutes at a time to try and given her a fear of missing out. Lavender couldn’t stand any dampness at all. They were born at the very start of the heatwave of 2018 when there wasn’t any rain fall between May and September. The first day of rain was a huge surprise.

The past 6 years and 6 months – the time I had them over all – have been incredibly difficult. Since AnAn died a few days ago, a huge weight has lifted from me. I lived my life in utter stress and paranoia due to how often they got ill and how subtle the signs could be. I loved my rabbits to distraction. I also will never have rabbits again.

I do want to say that rabbits are the best pets I’ve ever had. They are extremely smart, have long memories, aren’t afraid to tell you to get lost if they are bored of you or if you’re doing something that isn’t in their routine (routine is very important – I decided to stay up and watch TV one night and got thumped at until I left the room), and they are very loving. Anya in particular was also very polite – she would thank me for cuddles by bopping me with her nose, she’d thank the water bowl for her drink the same way, she’d even say hello to the dustpan and brush I used to sweep up hay and food crumbs.

However they get ill very easily; their bodies have favoured breeding above anything else. If you’re lucky you’ll have a rabbit that needs a couple of emergency visits over a lifespan of about 12 years. If you’re unlucky… well, my story is above.

I wanted to write all of the above today as one post – the memories, the good, the bad. Given the amount of care I needed to give them, I feel I’ve lost children; they were my first priority always and I lost a lot of sleep over them.

Goodbye my AnAn, the beautiful girl who the vets had seen so much they also cried when she died despite all the biting. (She died of a freak stomach or liver torsion, we didn’t want to do surgery to find out which.) And goodbye again my Lav Lav, who we last saw in good health on Christmas Day.

Lavender Lazuli Place: 10th May 2018 – 29th December 2023
Anya Kuai Le Place: 10th May 2018 – 14th November 2024

My use of a non-podcast reading list continues to do well; I mentioned that in my last reading round up but it bears repeating, at least for me, because it seems I’ve found something that’s working – having used it for about two months now, I believe that it could be called a habit or routine.

I haven’t had this much success in finding ways to reduce the amount of time spent pondering about what to read next since the ‘Long-Awaited Reads’ months a couple of former bloggers hosted in the 2010s. These were held each year in January; I participated in two of them (see one and two) and they may have run for one year prior to that. They were useful in getting books read. My attempt at a follow up in 2019 didn’t result in my reading any of the books I chose… and I still haven’t read any of those books… and I do think that that was probably due to it being me resurrecting the idea by myself. A key factor in the concept, I believe, looking back, is that we were doing it as a small community – it was a real event.

While it’s true that my brand new shiny non-podcast reading list idea doesn’t particularly lean into books that have been on my shelves for as long as any of the Long-Awaited books I chose – more on that in a moment – I think having created something centred around me and my own reading to the exclusion of others has helped bridge that gap, so to speak. It’s not an event, but it’s my… thing.

Of that moment, I have a vague plan to introduce books that have been on my shelf for longer in time; I’m aware that early successes, those dopamine hits, happening now, will help me when I’m adding books I’ve lost excitement for. Books I was really looking forward to, then the passage of time and new books led to me forgetting them. They’ll probably include books from that last, self-created and aborted, Long-Awaited list.

In other news I am still happily reading Alex Hay’s The Queen Of Fives, Susan Stokes-Chapman’s The Shadow Key, and Lee Seong-bok’s Indeterminate Inflorescence.

The first is delighting me not only in its whole (Hay has just got better and better) but in its use of family. We see a very wealthy family about to be the victim of a con – if it goes ahead (I’m not there yet) – and so they could have been less developed as individual characters, but Hay has gone full steam ahead on fleshing them out and giving you a lot of reason to care for them. It makes for a thrilling prospect – whatever will he do when the conwoman, who we also follow, strikes? Perhaps, unlike his first novel, The Housekeepers, wherein we feel most for the tricksters, here in his second book we should feel most for those whose wealth is at stake?

That could actually be it – for all we’re seeing Quinn’s, the conwoman’s, plans, perhaps Hay will turn it on its head this time.

The second book is wonderfully Gothic and one of the most immersive books I’ve ever read. What I’m enjoying is that the plot itself is allowed to move slowly and be predictable at points and it doesn’t matter one bit because the author is so talented; it reminds me of classic novels where character is everything.

And Indeterminate Inflorescence, well, it can’t be discussed in quite the same terms because it’s not fiction, instead it is a collection of sayings – “aphorisms,” says the back cover – from poetry lectures. It’s got some wonderful insights though certainly I think it would be better used as a book to dip in and out of instead of how I’m doing it which is to read it straight through (I’m scheduled to review it, after all). I’m keeping that in mind as I read – whilst it’s not a high-on-aesthetics coffee table book, it would do well as one.

The sun is slowly going down here as I write on Monday 11th November; I spent a couple of hours in the morning working outside – it’s not cold and hasn’t rained much recently. Last year I was in a t-shirt until the 5th November – I remember that very well. This year I’m still in a t-shirt today, though I put on a thin jumper to write outside due to the act of staying still. As someone who hates winter, I appreciate the weather a lot – I’ve always said if our cloudy skies here in the UK changed to blue skies I’d be okay with winter – but it is more evidence of global warming.

For this I can’t be as happy about the warmth as I’d like to be, but I am happy about the reading.

I didn’t read quite as much in October as I’d hoped to, but there were life reasons for that and also, Fourth Wing is really long – it may not have as many pages as, say, The Priory Of The Orange Tree, but the smaller print means that the ‘true’ number of pages should be greater than it is.

The Books

Non-Fiction

Zachary Levi: Radical Love – Reading this was a massive journey. I hope he finds real healing one day.

Fiction

Natalie Jenner: The Jane Austen Society – When American Mary-Anne visits Chawton to try and see Jane Austen’s house (she can’t – the Knight family own it and aren’t into the whole idea) she inspires Adam to start reading Austen. Various others in the village like Austen, too, and sometime later the idea of turning the cottage into a museum comes up. There are some wonderful little studies on various aspects of Austen here and the character-driven and often Austen-esque story is fun and frankly gratifying – it’s a fictionalised take on the creation of Jane Austen’s House Museum, fully accounted for in the acknowledgements.

Rebecca Yarros: Fourth Wing – Violet’s one of the new first years hoping to become a dragon rider for their country to fight in the ongoing war… except Violet didn’t want to be a rider, she wanted to be a scribe but her Commander mother said no to that. To be a rider is to be in continuous peril with the first step being literal steps over a thin parapet a great many metres above the valley. I absolutely loved this, wasn’t prepared for how much I’d enjoy it.

Fourth Wing is going straight on my favourites list. All three books were also on my new non-podcast reading list so I’m glad to say I’m getting through the first use of it.

I’m currently reading three books – Alex Hay’s The Queen Of Fives, Susan Stokes-Chapman’s The Shadow Key, and a collection of snippets from poetry lectures taught by Korean poet Lee Seong-bok called Indeterminant Inflorescence. I’m enjoying my reading a lot.

Episode 109: Susan Muaddi Darraj (Behind You Is The Sea)

Charlie and Susan Muaddi Darraj (Behind You Is The Sea) discuss the Palestinian Christian community, her immigrant characters and their children, how she used the current conflict in her stories, and the segregation and working class in Baltimore, Maryland.

Please note this episode mentions domestic violence.

If you’re unable to use the media player above, this page has various other options for listening as well as the transcript.

I believe the existence and make-up of this list says three true things: I’m reading more; I spend a bit of time on TikTok (and I’m putting more priority on fantasy which has been a long time coming); I’m blogging again.

Alex Hay: The Queen Of Fives – Out on 30th January, thus from the publisher, this is Hay’s second novel. The first, last year’s The Housekeepers, was a perfectly-paced Edwardian heist taking place over 24 hours, this second is a Victorian con taking place over five days. At the time of writing this I am a few chapters in and it’s not going to disappoint.

Lee Seong-bok: Indeterminate Inflorescence – For review, out on 14th of this month, this small book is ‘a collection of meditations on poetry, art and life, taken from the creative writing lectures of one of South Korea’s most prominent living poets’. I reckon I’ll be taking a lot of notes.

Orlando Ortega-Medina: Emerald Road – From the author for review (out 14th January), this is a follow up slash prequel to Ortega-Medina’s previous novel, The Fitful Sleep Of Immigrants, which was a slightly/semi autobiographical novel. I noted at the time that the winning character of the book was Issac, loosely based on the author’s partner and was delighted to find out that Orlando was writing a prequel about Issac. This looks at Issac’s journey as an El Salvadorian during war and the events that led to his immigration to the US.

Rebecca Yarros: Iron Flame – If you told me last year, after I was struggling through my first TikTok-famed romantasy, that I was going to adore my second one, I may not have believed you – I try my best not to go along with hype. Well, Fourth Wing may not be the most amazing novel ever written but it’s pretty darn marvellous regardless. I need the second book in my life and don’t be surprised if I’ve book three in January when it is published!

Saara El-Arifi: Faebound – I’ve been kind of circling around El-Arifi’s work ever since she debuted and in my quest to read more of one of my favourite genres, I’ve gone and got this book.

Sue Lynn Tan: Heart Of The Sun Warrior – I’ve Daughter Of The Moon Goddess soon to be put on my new non-podcast reading list once I’ve finished the first ten books. I was also very aware that it was becoming difficult to get the hardback of book two to match the first, so I went for it.

It goes without saying, really, but I’m excited about the above very much.

I’m not reading from other sources as much as I used to but, particularly with the demise of Twitter, there’s no really easy way to share other people’s written work at the moment. Threads and BlueSky aren’t really there (yet?), and I do like the idea that these posts are here to look back on rather than links shared one by one and gone in a matter of minutes on social media.

The list below is one I compiled over the course of months during that time I was blogging intermittently. Timely news has been edited out, evergreen content remains.

Author/Literary Figure Specific

How an 18th-Century Cookbook Offers Glimpses of Jane Austen’s Domestic Life
Helpful Men: Defending Philip Roth, Dismissing Virginia Woolf
40 Years Ago, Poet Lucille Clifton Lost Her House. This Year, Her Children Bought It Back
On the Friendship and Rivalry of Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton
‘I learned about storytelling from Final Fantasy’: novelist Raven Leilani on Luster and video games
Makeshift Refuges: Edith Wharton’s Home-Building
Virginia Woolf on Why We Read and What Great Works of Art Have in Common
The Fashion of Jane Austen’s Novels
Is Jane Austen the Antidote to Social Media Overload?
“Only Lovers Live in the Present”: On the Notebooks of Patricia Highsmith
By the time L Frank Baum introduced the world to Dorothy and the gang, he’d already made his name as a shop window dresser par excellence
Emily Brontë’s Lost Second Novel

Book Specific

Was This Book The Original Eat, Pray, Love? (Mary Wollstonecraft)
The Mary Bennet Makeover: Postfeminist Media Culture and the Rewriting of Jane Austen’s Neglected Female Character
How the Women Became Little

About Writing

You Must Change Your Writing Style: Ward Farnsworth’s Guidebooks to English Virtuosity and Ancient Philosophy
On Setting YA Aside to Write a Novel for Adults (Nina LaCour on “Growing Up” Through Fiction

Libraries & Bookstores

Why a Bookstore’s Most Quiet Moments Are (Sometimes) Its Most Important
The Norwegian library with unreadable books

Misc. Literature

Better Than Nothing? Exploring the Limitations of AI-Narrated Audiobooks from a Disabled Person’s Perspective
Rachel Hore on Olga Gray, the historical figure behind her book, A Beautiful Spy
‘Alice door’ – inside this church is an obscure piece of art carved by the famous Alice Liddell
How a Team of Calligraphers Brought Jane Austen’s Fictional Letters to Life
Lydia Conklin on Writing Residencies and the Invaluable Gift of Permission
What’s In a Name? Tracing an Obsession with the Shakespeare Authorship Question

Other Links

The Devonshire Manuscript, a sixteenth-century handwritten collection of poetry and commentary, offers a glimpse of intellectual life at the court of King Henry VIII